I am lesbian and I did not succeed in talking to my grandparents about me, about the real me.
Wish it Was a Coming Out originates and starts there, from a suffering lie that lasted for years.
When, during my teenage years, I realised that I was attracted to girls, I understood that people’s sexual orientation is often taken for granted by others. I realised that if coming out is supposed to be a liberating action, I soon discovered how difficult it can be to reveal a part of one’s identity to some people, a part which is still a cause for prejudice. For years, I carried the burden of not being able to share the discovery of my lesbianism with my grandparents, missing out on the chance to have a shared understanding with them. The lack of such a confession gave rise to the need for self-redemption, the necessity for an act of catharsis which would benefit myself and others.
And so, as an indirect tribute to my grandparents, I began exploring the life experiences of people who were similar to them in terms of age, but similar to me in terms of sexual orientation. Here you are Wish it Was a Coming Out, an ongoing long-term project, with which I want to investigate the double taboo related to homosexuality and old age in Italy. The protagonists of this work are a group of gay men and lesbian women between sixty and ninety years old. I began to connect with them at the age of 27, in 2018, when I got their contact details through word of mouth and some online dating apps. Later, after a first telephone chat, I started travelling around Italy to meet those who wanted to share their personal story. In doing so, I captured smiles, worries, thoughts, love and desires, which are rarely given a voice. I decided to photograph these people as couples or alone, in their own homes, in scenes of true intimacy.
Beginning with the shared experiences, both of mine and of my subjects, my aim was and still is to provide insight into the lives of gay and lesbian people in Italy today who experience that contradictory and fascinating phase of life linked to ageing. Considering that Italy is culturally, socially, and economically different from North to South, I decided to seek out these people in as many regions as possible, which is why I have travelled and continue to travel all over Italy. This work, with its possibility of remedying those silences that we always carry with ourselves, talks about the desire to expose oneself fully without negating any part of one’s identity: the words ‘coming out’ in the title do not refer simply to one’s sexuality but also, and above all, to the intergenerational sharing of one’s own experiences, life, and whole self.
Maria Laura and Lidia have known each other for 17 years. Their love blossomed at a mature age, but it struck like a classic bolt of lightning. It was Lidia who won over Maria Laura: on top of a relentless courting full of sweet nothings and poetry, she wrote a dedication to Laura one night on the wall in front of her house: “Laura, I am passionately and hopelessly in love with you”. From that day on, they began dating, and soon after they became an official couple. Recently, they got married in a civil union.
Umberto has been a great traveller since he was young: he wanted to explore new realities and travel throughout countries he had never visited. In the ‘70s he set off for India in order to meet Osho: it was the beginning of a very special trip which continues today, within him. He is vegetarian, almost vegan, loves nature, and for some time, he has dedicated himself to a new passion: photography. He enjoys photographing the stones which have been eroded over time or smoothened by the waterways, and the tree trunks which have been pulled onto the beach by the high waves.
Victor and Gianni have been a couple for 43 years. Victor is an American who came to Italy in 1975 during his university years. Shortly after arriving, he met Gianni through shared friends. It was true love, but Victor is American and couldn’t stay long in Italy. So, Gianni’s mother decided to adopt Victor in order to help her son to start a family. However, this family can’t be made official today with a civil union because Gianni and Victor are brothers from a legal point of view.
Pasquale was born in Naples. He had a difficult childhood, full of misery and violence. As well as that, he was denied the opportunity to attend school. Despite that, he was able to redeem himself over the years: he discovered that he was gay, and he came into contact with the homosexual scene in Naples. He began writing and doing theatre, letting himself get inspired by the “street” and its stories. In time, he became a playwright and also worked as a journalist. His will to describe the “street” – the one which he knows personally – evolved from the desire to give some dignity to the so-called “outcasts”, who don’t have a voice.
Roberto is an ex-diocesan priest, a role spanning over half of his life. He was born in the area of Cremona, where he lived for over 40 years before moving to Foligno in the heart of Umbria. He arrived in Foligno after renouncing his vows. Although he was not young, he understood that he was homosexual and decided to leave the church for good in order to live more freely.
Stella and Paola have been a couple since as far back as 1984. They have overcome many challenges together, such as Stella’s tumour. They were married in a civil union and live in their house in Rome with their cats. Both of them are pensioners and LGBT activists, and they are great travellers who love the mountains. They are an example of how, despite having spent many years together, the passion is still alive between them: they still love each other in the same way they did before.
William and Vittorino are a couple who have been together for 47 years. Both of them came out at a very young age, and immediately after, they started to actively participate in the LGBT movement. Over the years, they have never missed the Pride Festival and they have travelled all over the world. They live in Trent, where they have been working for over 20 years as antiquarians, and they were married in a civil union.
Edda was born in Follonica, in the coastal area of Maremma. She was a teenager when she fell in love with an older girl who drove a jeep and loved poetry and literature. It was this young woman who introduced Edda to the world of books and culture, and she was also Edda’s first love. The pressure that Edda’s family put on her because of her sexual orientation lead her to move to Rome. She has become an emancipated woman: a poet, an activist with the separatist feminist movement, and one of the first occupants of the Casa delle Donne (a political and cultural centre created by women for women, in Rome). Even today, Edda refers to herself as being in love with women and with life.
