My name is Jakub Nowaczyk. My father, Leszek Nowaczyk, died of liver failure (a consequence of alcohol abuse). I lost him when I was sixteen. I remember the day he died as one of the most beautiful days of my life. Over time, I began to get used to his absence. At first, I felt relief—no more arguments, shouting, or violence at home. As the years passed, I forgot about him more and more, as if I were erasing his existence. And yet, the feeling of emptiness never left me.

In early 2023, while searching the attic of our family home, I came across my father’s journal titled Dark Thoughts. I also found hundreds of photographs and letters. As I went through them, I realized I had never truly known him. He had once been a sensitive man, a poet, an excellent photographer, a caring husband, and most of all—a loving father. Though I missed his love, I now know he never stopped loving us.

The death of my grandfather (who passed away on my father’s sixth birthday), being raised by a despotic, communist grandfather, and the absence of a mother’s care left wounds in him—wounds that, in some way, were passed on to me.

Even though he caused me a lot of pain, I am proud of him, and I hope he would be proud of me too.

The Dark Thoughts project is my attempt to come to terms with my father’s image, but also to find myself. I’ve always felt like I was chasing something, even though I never knew what. This project is my answer to that search.

Originally, it began as my master’s thesis at the Commission of National Education Universi-ty in Kraków. It was accompanied by a photo book of the same title. But I feel that not eve-rything has yet been uncovered, and my relationship with my father is still evolving. That’s why I continue to develop the project—and as it changes, so do I.